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Programming humor

Programming is like sex. One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life


Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?
Because Oct 31 equals Dec 25.


Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.


Debugging is twice as hard as writing the code in the first place. Therefore, if you write the code as cleverly as possible, you are–by definition–not smart enough to debug it.


Any code of your own that you haven’t looked at for six or more months might as well have been written by someone else


Software is like sex: It’s better when it’s free.


The trouble with programmers is that you can never tell what a programmer is doing until it’s too late


Q: Whats the object-oriented way to become wealthy?
A: Inheritance


Unix is user friendly. It’s just very particular about who its friends are


Did you mean: recursion
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=recursion


Q: What is the difference between a programmer and a non-programmer ?
A: The non-programmer thinks a kilobyte is 1000 bytes while a programmer is convinced that a kilometer is 1024 meters


I’d like to make the world a better place, but they won’t give me the source code.


Software developers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems.


There’s no place like 127.0.0.1


Q: Why did the programmer quit his job?
A: Because he didn’t get arrays.


A good programmer is someone who looks both ways before crossing a one-way street


Q: What’s the difference between Software Development and Sex?
A: In sex, you don’t get a bonus for releasing early.


Documentation is like sex. When it’s good, it’s very good. When it’s bad, it’s better than nothing.


The shortest programmer joke: I’m nearly done


JIT Happens!


There are two types of people in this world those who understand recursion and those who don’t understand that there are two types of people in this world..


Administrator = Admin is traitor


Programmer’s son asks his father: Dad, why do the sun rise on the east and set on the west?
Father: It works? don’t touch it.


Q: Why don’t programmers pray?
A: They don’t like throwing null pointer exceptions!


In C++, your friends can see your privates

Funniest source code comments :

// Dear maintainer:
// Once you are done trying to 'optimize' this routine,
// and have realized what a terrible mistake that was,
// please increment the following counter as a warning
// to the next guy:
// total_hours_wasted_here = 13
// When I wrote this, only God and I understood what I was doing 
// Now, God only knows
// I'm sorry. 
// Always returns true. 
public boolean isAvailable() { 
    return false; 
}
// You are not meant to understand this
// I am not sure if we need this, but too scared to delete. 
// Dear future me. Please forgive me.  
// I can't even begin to express how sorry I am.
double penetration; // ouch 
// Mr. Compiler, please do not read this. 
// Hard to explain 
// Empty constructor to satisfy the stupid compiler
public GetRandomNumber() 
{ 
    // Chosen by a fairly rolen dice 
    // guaranteed to be random
    return 3; 
} 
// DON'T SCREW WITH THIS CODE UNLESS YOU REALLY UNDERSTAND IT!
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Rating: 5.0/5 (17 votes cast)
Programming humor, 5.0 out of 5 based on 17 ratings
Categories: Humor
  1. Maksim
    April 24th, 2010 at 03:58 | #1

    Nice collection!
    You should add the joke about 10 types of people…

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  2. Hitesh Seth
    December 1st, 2010 at 22:29 | #2

    @Xander- Are you the same xander who used to post on rohitab.com ??

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    • December 6th, 2010 at 13:45 | #3

      No

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  3. CWalkdawg
    May 22nd, 2012 at 14:32 | #4

    Don’t read this in public…I just had to give a programming lesson because everyone insisted on understanding why I was laughing my ass off.

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  4. January 16th, 2013 at 15:03 | #5

    I am very pleased to find this blog. I want to thank for your time for this wonderful read!!! Keep Sharing, I’ll surely be looking for more.

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  1. April 3rd, 2010 at 19:27 | #1

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